Whenever we hear, “My heart was broken”, the automatic thing we think about is relationship. As in, boyfriend and girlfriend type of stuff. However, we must know that this sentence goes beyond that. Once thing we all forget is the fact that friends can break our hearts too.
I say that because I know of it all too well. If I wanted to, I’m sure I could write a book on this subject. Out of all I’ve been through in life so far, friendship is the one word that I completely wince at. Even viewing the word makes me feel all the hurt that I went through in the past.
As a human being, I am growing and I am healing from that still til this day. However, thankfully, I have forgiven all whom have hurt me because I can go to bed peacefully. But trust me, for two years, I couldn’t. After having my heart broken, I had been filled with so much anger and sadness. I always felt as if me having friends would never happen. A true friend at that.
The reason my heart was broken was because I constantly gave, supported, loved and showed up. Yet, when it was time for me to need a shoulder, nobody was found. It hurt and though those people were still in my life, I resented them. I cried about it all often. I just wanted a friend to be there for me and to support me the same way I so selflessly did for them.
There came a point where I thought something was wrong with me. I looked over my life and my actions so closely. Close as I could but me being me, I didn’t know what others saw in me. Yet, I still tried to see if there was something that I was doing that caused almost every friendship of mine to disperse.
The thing is, It wasn’t me. I knew how to be a friend. People are just people and I had to learn that the hard way. I had to learn it the heartbreaking way. I can still feel the hole in my heart that I carried around for such a long time and if I could, I would go back and give myself a hug because I surely needed it.
Finally, the day came. God spoke to me. He told me that it’s time for me to forgive because I needed to go to the next level. I couldn’t hold that hurt within me forever. He felt the pain that I held and I feel like I had to go through that hurt in order to learn something. I’m still learning something.
I had to speak up and tell those people who hurt me what they did. I did that and afterwards, my heart became lighter. I went to bed with peace after two years of going to bed with a heavy heart that caused me to sink down into the mattress.
And over time and still today, God is still mending my broken heart. He stood with me during my hard journey and he made sure I knew that even though my friends weren’t there, he was. He currently is. He is the best friend that I could ever have.
One thing I did learn from this moment is that we can’t depend on people. That’s another reason why I was taken through this pain. To learn that I should depend on God and not people. God sticks to his word but people, we’re undependable. We mess up and we make mistakes.
I am a firm believer that no matter how your heart broke, if you listen and lean into God, he will piece it all back together. That’s just how much he loves us.
Today, God has given me friends who care. What I always wanted and prayed for. Yet, I know to depend on him for the most part.
One thing about it, if you’re a good person and always do the right thing, God will bless you. I gave and loved on people. And finally, I am reaping what I sowed.
I’m not perfect. I’m still learning and trying my best not to hold what my old friends did to me onto the new and better friends.
I often talk about this subject because this is the one thing I went through that has broke and made me.
Thankfully, I have God no matter what. Thankfully, he is my friend. No matter who leaves my side, he will continue standing there along with me and guiding me along the way.
Thank God for that. Thank God for mending my broken heart.
Deuteronomy 31:6 - "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
The Butterfly Lounge 